Having a baby that is only breastfed while also working full-time is not the easiest thing to do. However, Nicholas will be 8 months old on the 24th and I have been determined to make it to his first birthday without ever feeding him formula. Yesterday was the first time I have had to rethink that goal.
For the first five months I was back at work, having taken two months of maternity leave, it was easy to go pump in a nice empty office down the hall from my cubicle. There was a computer in there that I could log on to and still accomplish most of my work while using one of those nice hands-free bustier things that really make me feel like a cow. Recently, however, I changed jobs and now share an office with an older gentleman, who may or may not show up on any given day.
For my first week he was on leave, which made it easy. I just closed and locked the door and went about pumping milk. However, now that he no longer on leave I am never sure when I can safely close the door and pump. The office I used to use is still available, but it is no longer near where I work. Still, I am determined not to miss a session and headed down there with my pump only to find the door locked and no one who knew the combination to get in.
The frustration (and lack of sleep) caused me to burst in to tears. Not really how I want to be seen at work, but there you have it. I was standing outside the locked door while holding my pump with my chest hurting, crying. Not bawling, mind you, just tears rolling down my cheeks. And as I stood there tired and sore and frustrated I contemplated how much easier my life at work would be if I just sent formula over to my mother-in-law's for my baby to eat.
As for the lack of sleep, Nick still does not sleep through the night and I have issues with letting him cry, so I still get up three or four times a night to go pacify him. However, the last few nights have been especially difficult as he has been waking up around 3 a.m. and not going back to sleep until almost 6 a.m., which coincidentally is the time I have to get up to get ready for work. So I've been extra tired this week, which doesn't help me not cry while at work.
It’s okay to suck at things
1 week ago